This Is Not Quite What I Expected

Unrealistic Expectations
Young people usually enter into marriage with very distict ideas about what the marriage will be and what roles each spouse will play in the marriage. Soon after the honeymoon this youthful idealism begins to give way to the realities of married life. To remain emotionally married couples must learn to evaluate and sometimes modify these expectations.

I. Expectations of Marriage
     A. Love is Romance
      1. Agape: A decision to bless
             a. Not unconditional acceptance of sinful behavior
             b.Stands against behavior that is immoral, inethical,illegal, or hurtful.
      2.Phileo:friendship-emotional closeness (this can be recreated)(Emotional estrangement WILL happen, its a red flag but it can be stopped) Phileo is like a thermometer for the marriage.) Get back to the basics
      3.Eros:Romance (get out of the romatic idea given by entertainment and media)
      4.Epithumia:Strong desire- for physical, for sex, an act from the heart. (if they are emotionally estranged then they dont want sex) (for some a sexual fulfilment can be a walk in the park, or even doing a puzzle together)

     B." All my needs will be met"
        God would not create a relationship that would compete with our relationship with Him

     C." Having sex equals sexual fulfillment"
      1.Age affecs hormone level. ( again it can be just time alone together, holding each other. ) Some have an obligation to give love, and not demand it*necessary* (Cant always match the passion of the spouse)
      2. Habituation: we become used to the stimuli ( sights, sounds, etc.) that are often available to us.
      3.  Difference in having sex & making love
        Solution: Slowly exploring the others body ( think and read song of solomon with spouse) ( they seek to please above seeking to be pleased)

     D. "Financial Matters will never be a problem"
      1. Prevent debt
             a. Lack of contentment and wanting more
             b. Desire for security- bigger house, better car etc.
             c. Search for significance- to feel important.
    
      2. Avoid conflict
             a. Provide accountability
             b. Negotiate purchases- what do we need or want
             c. Establish a budget together

      3. Establish Good habits
             a. Delay gratification
             b. Avoid self medicating- ( buying that coffee you dont need, eating that piece of cake, etc.)
             c. beware of installment debpt -credit card
             d. refuse to co-sign

      4. Plan for future.
             a.house
             b.car
             c.vacation
             d.retirement-401k,annuities
             e emergency fund

II. Expectations of the Spouse
       A. My spouse will always look and act the way he/she does now
       B My spouse should always agree with me
       C. My spouse is acting a certain way therefore I know what he/she is thinking ( give the benefit of the dount)
III. Flexibility
        - MODIFY EXPECTATIONS!
  Only thing I can control in life is how I respond to life circumstances


Things I thought were important

There needs to be 30 minutes of Face time, no tv, no kid talk. Just you.

Love me the way I never was loved and treat me the way i should have been

unmet expectations -core    ------
1. Disappointment in myself.
2. Cant control situation.
3. can not be perfect
4. it/i will never be good enough

NOT POOR ME FOR BEING IN THE SITUATION BUT GRATITUDE FOR WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN IT! and look through the event, not at it.....