Marriage Matter- A National Marriage Conference.

Dave and I went to a conference by Jerry and Lynn Jones sep 12-14. It was amazing to say the least. I learned more about myself then i ever thought imaginable and i got a great refreshing dose of communication. We Missed Everything on Sunday night so i am jumping into what was talked about monday night. ( Dave was the writer. however he is not a note taker so a lot there is there is well not easy to understand if you can at all

Not right, Not wrong, Just different!

Please Listen to Me- Part 1

I. Foundation for Good Communication
     A. Servant Heart
     B. Godly
     C. Emotional Intimacy

II. Communication Barriers
     A.
       'My mental glasses'
       1. Chronological age
       2. Life Experiences-(in past influence what i do in relationships, cause hiccups)
       3. Domains of Temperment-(sadly i realized i am all these things...)
       (affect the WAY we make choices)
         .harm avoidance(anxious,pessimistic vs. outgoing, optimistic)
         .novelty seeking(impulsive, quick tempered vs. rigid, slow tempered)
         .reward dependencewarm,approval seeking vs. cool, aloof)
         .persistence(persevereing, ambitious vs. easily discourages, under acheiving)
      4. Dimensions of character
          (affect the choices we make)
         .cooperativeness (tolerant,helpful vs. prejudiced, revengeful)
         .self-directedness(reliable,purposeful vs. blaming,revengeful)
         .self-transcendence(self-forgetful,spiritual vs. self-concious, materialistic)
       5.Physical Health

     B.Schemata
         Mental maps that guide thought and behavior
     C.Ego Defences
         .helpful-allow us time to adjust to life events
         .destructive-keep us from acknowledging sin or interfere with relationships
         1.Denial -"refusig to admit there is a problem or accept responsability for ones attitude or actions"
        2.Withdrawl-" removing oneself mentally or physically from the anxiety producing situation"
        3.Displacement- " percieving a less threatening person or object as the source of ones problems or difficulties"
       4. projection-" attributing ones unacceptable attitudes or actions to others"
       5.regression -"reverting to behavior that was characteristic of more secre time"
       6. rationalization-" blaming other people of situation for the difficulties that one is experiencing, usually done in a socially acceptable or self serving manner"
     D. Defend agains the defences
         1. Admit  them
         2.Identify them
         3.Work around them


Just some phrases i picked up as well.

Words are remembered more than physical pain

Dont laugh when kids get stressed out- at the age of 4 the things that stresses them out seem like no big deal to us but we need to acknowledge that it is a big deal to them

We take far too much credit and blame for how our children turn out

Characteristics are enduring. We are born with them and we die with them. But we dont change them.

The more emotional and spiritual fragile the less you are likely to see reality

" Its not an argument its a moment of intense fellowship)

I hope this is good and helpful to some of you. there is much much more to come and i am excited to share this all. I learned so so much!!!