Wheres my baby?? October 1, 2011

In a period of 8 days my "baby" went from "toddler" to "big girl". Where did she GO????  It all started September 24th. I tore the house apart trying to find the orange paci. Dave got up and tore it apart with me. We searched high and low and in places we normally wouldnt go. I begged God to allow me to find it. No luck. I was encouraged on sunday to give it 3 days. It broke my heart every time she would ask for it. It still does. She still asks for it. I have one stashed for memory sake and when she asks for it I want so bad to get it out of the drawer and put it in her mouth and cradle her and sing to her and slip back to a year ago. How i miss that tiny little baby. Don't get me wrong i love watching her smile and run around but i sure do miss that tiny precious baby that relied on me for everything.

This is day 3 of no sippy cup. ( and i just bought them!!!) band new ones!!! But i can not find them any where. I have again tore the house apart trying to find it. And no luck at all. I can not think of where it might be. I have looked under and in and around and between and nothing. both are gone. So she has advanced to drinking from a plastic cup with a straw and just like that , JUST LIKE THAT , no more cup in bed ( yea i know thats oh so wrong, but to each their own).

NOW!! Day 1. D-A-Y 1 Amy, Has N-O-T had a diaper on all day. Been without diaper or panties. Has gone to the potty by herself, without being asked or told, has gone by herslef. Who is this child i cradled??? child....did i say child???? Oh my heart. Beth Moore I KNOW could write how my heart feels.

So with all this goodness there has to be  bad right? Yea. Amy for 3 nights has bought nap and bed time. will NOT  stay in bed, has gotten spankings has been put back and put back. nothing works. she has cried and cried and cried. I dont know what to do. I am so scared she will have the same problems as Emma. beyond scared i am terrified... just terrified. I cant remember. Is it normal for a 21 month old to fight nap and bed? will this fade,? will she get back into going to sleep or do i have another SPD child....I dont know. Im praying... praying for Jesus to comfort her at night. He did last night. I finally got her up and layed her in my bed and she fought and then i put my hand on her and prayed to Jesus to please put His hand on her head and quiet her heart and calm her and cmfort her and help her to rest. to sleep. within 5 minutes she was out. Jesus knew both our hearts were weary and came to comfort both. Thank you Lord for coming quickly to calm.

I am at a loss for words to what all has occured in 8 days. what normally would take months if not years...Thank you for Amy Lord.

This Is Not Quite What I Expected

Unrealistic Expectations
Young people usually enter into marriage with very distict ideas about what the marriage will be and what roles each spouse will play in the marriage. Soon after the honeymoon this youthful idealism begins to give way to the realities of married life. To remain emotionally married couples must learn to evaluate and sometimes modify these expectations.

I. Expectations of Marriage
     A. Love is Romance
      1. Agape: A decision to bless
             a. Not unconditional acceptance of sinful behavior
             b.Stands against behavior that is immoral, inethical,illegal, or hurtful.
      2.Phileo:friendship-emotional closeness (this can be recreated)(Emotional estrangement WILL happen, its a red flag but it can be stopped) Phileo is like a thermometer for the marriage.) Get back to the basics
      3.Eros:Romance (get out of the romatic idea given by entertainment and media)
      4.Epithumia:Strong desire- for physical, for sex, an act from the heart. (if they are emotionally estranged then they dont want sex) (for some a sexual fulfilment can be a walk in the park, or even doing a puzzle together)

     B." All my needs will be met"
        God would not create a relationship that would compete with our relationship with Him

     C." Having sex equals sexual fulfillment"
      1.Age affecs hormone level. ( again it can be just time alone together, holding each other. ) Some have an obligation to give love, and not demand it*necessary* (Cant always match the passion of the spouse)
      2. Habituation: we become used to the stimuli ( sights, sounds, etc.) that are often available to us.
      3.  Difference in having sex & making love
        Solution: Slowly exploring the others body ( think and read song of solomon with spouse) ( they seek to please above seeking to be pleased)

     D. "Financial Matters will never be a problem"
      1. Prevent debt
             a. Lack of contentment and wanting more
             b. Desire for security- bigger house, better car etc.
             c. Search for significance- to feel important.
    
      2. Avoid conflict
             a. Provide accountability
             b. Negotiate purchases- what do we need or want
             c. Establish a budget together

      3. Establish Good habits
             a. Delay gratification
             b. Avoid self medicating- ( buying that coffee you dont need, eating that piece of cake, etc.)
             c. beware of installment debpt -credit card
             d. refuse to co-sign

      4. Plan for future.
             a.house
             b.car
             c.vacation
             d.retirement-401k,annuities
             e emergency fund

II. Expectations of the Spouse
       A. My spouse will always look and act the way he/she does now
       B My spouse should always agree with me
       C. My spouse is acting a certain way therefore I know what he/she is thinking ( give the benefit of the dount)
III. Flexibility
        - MODIFY EXPECTATIONS!
  Only thing I can control in life is how I respond to life circumstances


Things I thought were important

There needs to be 30 minutes of Face time, no tv, no kid talk. Just you.

Love me the way I never was loved and treat me the way i should have been

unmet expectations -core    ------
1. Disappointment in myself.
2. Cant control situation.
3. can not be perfect
4. it/i will never be good enough

NOT POOR ME FOR BEING IN THE SITUATION BUT GRATITUDE FOR WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN IT! and look through the event, not at it.....

Please Listen to me part 2.

The inability to deal contructively with anger is a major barrier in communication. Determining the source of anger is essential in learning to process it. Learning to "listen" to what lies beneath the words is also crucial if good conflict resolution is to be developed. Full of energy and common sense, this presentation is guarenteed to help you see yourself and those around you more realistically.

III. Communication Builders
     A.Handling Anger
      "Anger is a secondary emotion and is the result of an un met expectation" "The primary emotions underlying anger are fear, frustration, and hurt."
         
               Faces of anger
      1.Venting:"Releasing anger toward people or objects"
      2.Supress:"Acknowledgeing anger (the unmet expectation)and choosing not to act upon it."
      3.Repress:"Inability to acknowledge anger"
      4.Process
         a.Identify unmet expectation(s)"
         b."Does this expectation involve something that is inethical, illegal, immoral, or hurtful."
         c."if answer is yes and the behavior is ongoing, speak to those involved and develop a plan of action to correct the situation."
         d.if the answer is no then MODIFY YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!
It is what it is, and it is what we will make it.

IV. Develop a Good Conflict Resolution Model- Double V
     A. Negotiating differences
         ." I have a problem so we have a problem
         . " When where and how"
         . "Whose turn is it to talk and whose to listen"
         . What IS  the problem
         . I have an Idea: how about this

The is the Double V Model that for some reason wont come up bigger but it has helped Dave and I communicate so much better!

e

Marriage Matter- A National Marriage Conference.

Dave and I went to a conference by Jerry and Lynn Jones sep 12-14. It was amazing to say the least. I learned more about myself then i ever thought imaginable and i got a great refreshing dose of communication. We Missed Everything on Sunday night so i am jumping into what was talked about monday night. ( Dave was the writer. however he is not a note taker so a lot there is there is well not easy to understand if you can at all

Not right, Not wrong, Just different!

Please Listen to Me- Part 1

I. Foundation for Good Communication
     A. Servant Heart
     B. Godly
     C. Emotional Intimacy

II. Communication Barriers
     A.
       'My mental glasses'
       1. Chronological age
       2. Life Experiences-(in past influence what i do in relationships, cause hiccups)
       3. Domains of Temperment-(sadly i realized i am all these things...)
       (affect the WAY we make choices)
         .harm avoidance(anxious,pessimistic vs. outgoing, optimistic)
         .novelty seeking(impulsive, quick tempered vs. rigid, slow tempered)
         .reward dependencewarm,approval seeking vs. cool, aloof)
         .persistence(persevereing, ambitious vs. easily discourages, under acheiving)
      4. Dimensions of character
          (affect the choices we make)
         .cooperativeness (tolerant,helpful vs. prejudiced, revengeful)
         .self-directedness(reliable,purposeful vs. blaming,revengeful)
         .self-transcendence(self-forgetful,spiritual vs. self-concious, materialistic)
       5.Physical Health

     B.Schemata
         Mental maps that guide thought and behavior
     C.Ego Defences
         .helpful-allow us time to adjust to life events
         .destructive-keep us from acknowledging sin or interfere with relationships
         1.Denial -"refusig to admit there is a problem or accept responsability for ones attitude or actions"
        2.Withdrawl-" removing oneself mentally or physically from the anxiety producing situation"
        3.Displacement- " percieving a less threatening person or object as the source of ones problems or difficulties"
       4. projection-" attributing ones unacceptable attitudes or actions to others"
       5.regression -"reverting to behavior that was characteristic of more secre time"
       6. rationalization-" blaming other people of situation for the difficulties that one is experiencing, usually done in a socially acceptable or self serving manner"
     D. Defend agains the defences
         1. Admit  them
         2.Identify them
         3.Work around them


Just some phrases i picked up as well.

Words are remembered more than physical pain

Dont laugh when kids get stressed out- at the age of 4 the things that stresses them out seem like no big deal to us but we need to acknowledge that it is a big deal to them

We take far too much credit and blame for how our children turn out

Characteristics are enduring. We are born with them and we die with them. But we dont change them.

The more emotional and spiritual fragile the less you are likely to see reality

" Its not an argument its a moment of intense fellowship)

I hope this is good and helpful to some of you. there is much much more to come and i am excited to share this all. I learned so so much!!!

turning 26

I think i blew it this morning. After what happened last year i am paranoid about being forgot.  So i had a bit of a melt down. Dave felt bad and i told him that i was wrong. He grew up different and I have to recognize its not a big deal. I think I am so scared of him being like my dad that i get so emotional... I dont want to end up hating my birthday like my mom. Always wondering if Dave will remember or care.

a new blog spot

i have had to get a new blog spot because i had to get a new email. so now i am using a new one. and with it i am beginning new adventures and steps of faith